how many children do you have?
three
how many pregnancies have you had?
3
how old were you when you gave birth?
21, 27, and (soon to be) 28
what are your childrens' ages?
My oldest is 6, my second was stillborn, and I am currently 35 weeks pregnant with my third.
did any of those end in early release? (miscarriage, still birth or abortion?) if so, can you share a little about those experience?
My second pregnancy ended in the stillbirth of my son at 40 weeks in September 2022. I submitted to the care of a midwife for that pregnancy, who *was* rather radical, but was still a licensed midwife, so I did all the scans, tests and protocols recommended during pregnancy. My son’s heart suddenly stopped beating out of nowhere on his due date, and I birthed him in the hospital after an induction 24 hours later. He was a very healthy baby, I was a very healthy mama. Nothing could be determined as his “cause” of death. While it was immensely devastating, it was also the most beautiful, psychedelic and heart/spirit/mind-opening experience of my life. My son’s spirit became known to me only upon his death (he had remained a mystery my whole pregnancy), and he stepped into the role of shaman in my healing experience- healing not just from the pain of losing him on this earth, but healing everything in my life that I had been wanting (yet unable) to be freed from for some long. The joy I experienced through my grief & letting go lead me to sovereignty as a woman, to calling in my next baby (only 8 weeks after his birth), and to microdosing during pregnancy.
what surprised you about the mushroom journey?
The crazy euphoria I experienced on the last day! My friend who crafted the capsules for me recommended I go outside, presence myself, and speak my intention for the mushrooms out loud everyday before taking them. I wasn’t sure if I would do longer than 30 days because of the cost. On my last day, I felt a deep, ancient voice let me know that my journey with what I had asked for had been completed in 30 days and I didn’t need to take more, and that the intense trippy euphoria I felt all day/for days after was the mushrooms/medicine celebrating my growth and journey with me.
Protocol & Dosing
with psilocybin, what has been your dosing experience?
microdose (.1 - 1 gram), mid dose (1-3 grams)
how long did you dose for?
one month
if microdosing, what size would you have? (.1 - 1gram)
.1g
in what form were you ingesting the mushroom?
capsules
how often did you dose?
protocol -- following a set regimen
if you were on a protocol, what protocol did you follow?
Once a day for a month
did you have any support with dosing?
when did you start ingesting mushrooms?
during my pregnancy
Pregnancy
why did you choose to ingest mushrooms before your pregnancy?
I microdosed in the past to help ween myself off of taking an NDRI (Wellbutrin). I didn’t ever do it consistently enough though, and ended up taking mid-doses a few times a year to help with depression and anxiety. (And to be honest, to “party” sometimes.)
why did you choose to ingest mushrooms during your pregnancy?
I began taking reishi during this pregnancy because I personally was feeling very drawn to mushrooms from a healing capacity, but also because I received messages from the baby I’m currently pregnant with that she wanted “mushrooms”. After about a month of taking reishi, I got a message from this baby: “No mommy, MORE mushrooms”, yet I knew she didn’t mean more reishi- she meant psilocybin. I had always felt such a loving energy from these mushrooms in the past, and had been on a sovereign path this whole pregnancy thus far (no “providers”, no scans or test, just complete connection to my body, my spirit, and my baby). I listened to Mama Myco’s interview on Medicine Stories and got a full-body yes. I had been feeling a lot of fear and uncertainty taking over in this pregnancy- fear of loss, being an imposter, fear of the unknown, PTSD flashbacks… I knew I needed some assistance. So I reached out to a friend who made me a blend of psilocybin (.1), cacao and lion’s mane that I took everyday for a month.
what benefits did you notice in your pregnancy?
Within a week of taking the capsules, I felt SO much more connected to this baby. Her spirit came in strong and reassuring since before I conceived her (which I think is why I was open to conception so “soon” after my son’s passing), but I REALLY noticed her presence on a whole new level with the introduction of the capsules. I felt her more physically, I sensed her personality more, and I overall felt more spiritually connected to her. Over the course of the month, that connection fed into the building of a deeper level of trust between me and this baby’s spirit: trust that she is here, she is okay, she will be born, and she will be okay; trust that everything truly IS different this time, my intuition is powerful, and this birth gets to be beautiful and everything gets to “go right”. That brought me SO much peace and significantly decreased the level of anxiety I experienced on a daily basis. When I say significantly, I mean it made it possible for me to breathe and live again- not constantly obsessing over baby’s movements and spiraling into paranoia every few hours.
On the last day of my microdosing (after 30 straight days), I suddenly experienced a day of extreme joy, euphoria, and feeling like I had taken a higher dose (although I hadn’t). I suddenly felt extreme joy in my body, in this baby in my body, and felt so much excitement to birth her. I looked back on the last month and realized, “Woah. I’m in such a different place than I was a month ago.” Kinda like when you suddenly notice how much longer your hair is? That euphoric/trippy feeling lasted for a few days, and has come and gone weekly in less-intense episodes since then. I can’t express enough how beautiful and healing of an experience microdosing has been for me in the intense spiritual path I have been walking!
After Birth & Breastfeeding
why did you choose to ingest mushrooms after you gave birth?
To help with fear, paranoia, anxiety around early birth, infant loss and birthing freely outside the system.
did you ingest mushrooms while breastfeeding?
No
did you notice any benefits to a) yourself b) to your baby and what were the benefits when ingesting mushrooms while breastfeeding?
See above^
did you notice any challenges to a) yourself b) to your baby and what were the benefits when ingesting mushrooms while breastfeeding?
See above^
Parenting
what benefits did you notice in your parenting that you attribute to the mushroom?
I did notice that my connection with my 6 year old became much more fun and deeper than it was before. I feel less tired and more inspired in my interactions with him.
what were the unwanted effects or challenges of ingesting mushrooms while parenting?
Absolutely none.
what benefits have you noticed about your children that you attribute to the mushroom?
My wombling seemed to love them! It feels like she’s having even more fun in there than before.
Summary
what would you like to say to other mothers & pregnant/birthing people about your own experience?
We have been lied to about what true medicine is and mushrooms are HERE for our healing and for reconnecting with our inner knowing.
would you recommend this path to other people?
YES YES YES! It’s pretty conventional after stillbirth for women’s fears to be preyed upon by the allopathic, medically industrial complex and it is just devastating. Instead of being encouraged to embrace our journey, even through the pain, and embrace our babies who return to spirit, and to grow- our deepest fears are exploited and encouraged and we’re told we’re broken, we have to be drugged, and we have to give up all sovereignty to bring a baby earth side. And it’s just… one of the foulest lies I’ve ever perceived. Instead of experiencing this subsequent pregnancy beholden to fear, antidepressants, excessive monitoring, and having my birth be needlessly sabotaged by a hospital, I’m finding love, growth, healing, connection and joy. And microdosing has helped me IMMENSELY in this journey.
